Men's Misguided Sexual Behavior
There are some lovers that dreams are made of and then there are the others that make women seriously consider playing for the other team. Of course, there are also women who leave a lot to be desired in the bedroom themselves, but that's another topic for another day.
Sometimes men don't realize what it is they're doing wrong in bed and, after a few successful dates with a woman, and the inevitable sexual experience, the women seem to disappear. Is it them, or could it possibly be that something's amiss when it comes to the men's sexual play?
Whatever the case, I asked a multitude of sexually active women about the worst lovers they've ever encountered and, although some of the responses were hysterical, you may want to take note, just in case your "friends" may have picked up these habits. Now keep in mind that it's not necessarily the sex that's terrible, but rather everything that surrounds it.
tell me i'm wonderful
When it came to great lovers and terrible lovers alike, the following metropolitan women provided an earful of compliments and insults.
All sex, all the time
"Although James was a great lover, the fact that he knew it started to make me sick. The worst part of it was that that was all he had to offer. He was about as bright as a bag of leaves and had zero ambition. However, he did have a great body and he could bring me to sexual heights of pleasure I never thought possible, but nevertheless, the fact that he kept telling me how lucky I was to have him and that if the secret of how great he was in bed got out, women would be knocking down his door really irritated me. Anyway, eventually I got tired of the fact that James loved James so much, and I told him that the sex wasn't worth putting up with his narcissism."
  - Brenda, 32
Do I have to move?
"I understand that there are some women out there who think that just lying there is work enough when it comes to sex, but I am not one of them. The problem is that I ended up in a casual relationship with a guy who never wanted to do any of the work in bed. He always managed to get me on top of him so that he could just lie there and enjoy the ride, so to speak. Oh, he made the first move, but that was about it. So one day I confronted him about it and the moron had the nerve to tell me that he was too lazy to be on top and that I should appreciate it because most guys dominate in bed. Was this guy for real? Anyway, long story short, I told him that he would have to start doing the work — with his hand — because I was splitting."
  - Maria, 26
Forest ranger at large
"I was dating this guy for about a month before we began having sex, but believe me, we only had sex once. The guy was a virtual sasquatch — hairy as hell. When he was dressed, one would never know that a virtual forest was lurking under his garments. And his pubic area was the worst — I'm sure that small animals were residing in there. I could barely find his penis amid all that fur . The worst part was, he refused to trim. Even today when I think about it, I get this ill feeling at the pit of my stomach. Luckily, there are laser hair removal treatments now... I hope for his sake that he's heard of them and taken action."
  - Vanna, 22
More clueless men...
But everybody watches porn
"My boyfriend Rick was cool — he was smart, funny and had a body that would make Brad Pitt envious. Unfortunately, he had an unhealthy addiction to pornography and couldn't maintain an erection or enjoy sex without it. At first, I thought it was kinky hearing a woman moaning in the background while I was having sex. Even watching it turned me on somewhat. But when I began realizing that this was the only way he could have sex, I came to the conclusion that Houston had a problem. But when I confronted him, he made it sound like it wasn't a necessary part of his lovemaking, so we tried it without it. What a disaster! So the next time we made love, out came Jenna Jameson and her clan to join us in yet another session. By then I was fed up and so I gave him an ultimatum, and of course, he chose the videos over me. Needless to say, my ego slammed straight into the abyss of a sewer, but I'm okay now and realize that he had the problem."
  - Rita, 39
The best 40 seconds of my life
"Me and Jake were great together — it was like falling in love with my best friend. He was smart, funny and gorgeous. But just like all of us, he had a fatal flaw. When we made love, Jake couldn't last longer than a few strokes. I was willing to work on this issue, but every time I made mention of it, he would get all angry at me and accuse me of placing so much importance on sex — now that was selfish. After a couple more two-pump sex sessions, I told him that we should either discuss it and deal with it, or head in different directions. After he called me every name in the book including 'nympho,' 'bitch' and few other names you probably couldn't publish anyway, I headed north, and hopefully, he headed to hell."
  - Carla, 29
Who's that handsome fellow?
"My most recent boyfriend introduced me to the power of watching yourself make love in a mirror. It turned me on so much to watch as the both of us reached climax; it was like watching a movie. Little did I know that he couldn't care less about looking at me in the mirror; he would actually flex his muscles at times and move me around so that he could get a better look at himself. Needless to say, I felt like nothing more than a tool. But his love for himself didn't stop there. After we'd finish making love, he'd jump out of bed and start checking himself out at closer range. The last straw came when I asked him why he always stared at himself in the mirror, and 'because I'm better-looking than you' was at the end of his speech. At first I thought he was kidding, but he wasn't."
  - Annie, 41
sound familiar?
So do any of these characters sound strangely familiar to you? I certainly hope not because the guys mentioned by these women were clueless and, considering you've got me around to help you out, there's no way you'd ever behave in this manner.
So until next time gentlemen, pay attention to the woman you're loving and make sure that both of you are satisfied.
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