How To Get Your Girlfriend To Shave How To Get Her To Groom & More Of Your Questions

How To Get Your Girlfriend To Shave

How To Get Her To Groom & More Of Your Questions

Is It OK To Ask Your Girlfriend To Shave It Off?

Hi Doc Chaves,

I’m 16 and am starting to have sex now. When talking with my friends, I was the only one who had a girlfriend with a lot of hair in her bush. It kind of makes me feel weird, and no one else likes it, either. Is it cool for me to tell my girl to shave it? I don’t want to be a jerk.

-Derek

Back in Victorian England, there was a popular story of an aristocrat who was engaged to a very beautiful woman. He was never exposed to female sexuality or anatomy and learned about the female body from Greek and Roman art. Most people at the time were poorly educated about sex. While on his honeymoon, he and his wife got naked together, as most couples do, and he was appalled by the sight of her pubic hair. None of the art he saw had hair, and he thought she was disgusting. Sadly, he did not remain married to her, all because of her pubic hair.

I’m telling you this story because we have an odd relationship with female body hair, and it stems in part from social constructs that help shape our attitudes. We’ve been socialized not to like it and have become uncomfortable around pubic hair. But what is it, really? Does it take away beauty, intelligence and personality? If anyone out there said yes, I’m sorry to tell you, but that’s shallow.

Would you turn down Gisele for some armpit hair? Kick Angelina out of your bed because of some leg hair? Female pubic hair is natural, normal and viewed as unattractive in large part because our media outlets have influenced our beliefs. Thirty years ago, you were nuts to shave down there. Besides, it’s no picnic to take care of female pubic hair. The word on the streets is women shave, wax, use electrolysis, and go through uncomfortable and painful beauty regimens to conform.

If you decide to tell her to shave it, be prepared for an unwelcome response. You’re girlfriend is well aware of the popularity of trimmed/shaved vaginas, and there’s a reason she is a teenager and going with the natural look. You’re better off asking her about why she chooses this and learning her side of the story before any requests. Lastly, pubic hair has been shown to release pheromones, so breath them in and enjoy your partner for who she is, not what you would make her.

Small Penis Sex Positions

What could be a cool position that could help with me not having a big penis? I’m only four inches and would like to do the best I can for the girls I’m with. I’m not insecure about it; I just want to be all that I can be. Looking for positions that get me deeper, really.

-Anonymous

We all should strive to be all that we can be in the bedroom. I’m happy to read you’re not making a big deal out of size. Most of the time, it’s the men, not the women, who are fixated on penis size. Most women want an average-size penis, which means five to six inches.

Here are a couple of fun positions to try out. First, male superior (missionary) with the female's legs near her chest. While lying on her back, she raises her knees to her chest or her legs are brought back to around her face. What this is doing is tilting her pelvis, opening up her vaginal canal, and creating more possibility for depth of penetration. You can also thrust in a low-to-high stroke and have your penis hit her G-spot. For an added twist, have her close her legs for a tighter feel.

Another position is rear entry (doggy-style). While your partner is on her knees, have her lower their head while pushing out their pelvis. Not only does this help with G-spot access, but it’s a very deep, penetrating position. Your partner’s head is close to her knees/legs (notice a trend?). So make up your own variations while your partner is lying on her side, standing or discover other fun and creative positions. Remember, opening the pelvis helps with depth.

More tips from Dr. Chaves, next

Does Sexual Abuse Affect Sex Later On?

Doc,

I was sexually abused by a neighbor when I was six, and it’s something that has affected me in so many ways. I notice that when my girlfriend and I have sex, there are times I feel totally distant and out of it. Like I’m not even there. Even when she touches me in certain spots, I freeze up. Does this have anything to do with the abuse?

Thanks.

-Anonymous

Male sexual abuse is so often ignored. Many men keep it inside and choose to sweep their secret under the rug, which can have unhealthy psychological effects. It’s a violation of personal space and boundaries and trust, and can leave us scared and scarred. What you’re describing may be related to the abuse, as sexual difficulties are often associated with abusive trauma. It even appears that during sex, there seem to be triggers that bring your body back to a time when it was trying to cope with trauma. I’m a clinician who is less likely to immediately attribute difficulties to abuse history, but it seems possible, even likely, that there is a connection in your case. Your description of dissociative experiences with sex is a common response to abuse or coercion. The tension and paralysis response to touch is also a potential sign that your abuse history may be impacting your sexual life.

It’s important to be honest with yourself and explore the possible origins of your responses. You may very well be a candidate for therapy. As I saw often, why not try it? Maybe therapy will work, maybe it won’t, but at least you can give it a good shot and try. There are no guarantees, but trying to manage and overcome our struggles can take time, effort and the courage to face what we fear inside. I hope you consider seeking help and fighting for your sex life.

Can't Stop Fantasizing About Your Trainer?

Hello,

I’m a 29-year-old guy who is trying to get back into shape. I joined a gym, and as luck (or bad luck) would have it, my trainer is a gorgeous brunette. Now, my problem is that I can’t stop fantasizing about her while we’re working out or when I get home. I’ve had hard-ons during our workouts, which is totally embarrassing and think about her constantly. I’m at a loss as to what to do or how to approach this. Any recommendations?

- Chris

An attractive, in-shape brunette who gets you erect? A lot of us share this problem. Same thing happens to me every time I watch one of those Kim Kardashian TV shows.

I have a few recommendations for  this situation. First, most trainers don't want to see their clients with bulging poles coming out of their workout shorts. It’s important to curb that spontaneous erection issue as best as you can. Try masturbating once or twice before your training session. That could help your peter feel a little less sensitive in the short term, and the sexual response and arousal may reduce enough to turn that erection into a semi. Also, try wearing clothes that don’t rub your penis to add to the stimulation. If you’re wearing tight shorts or spandex, it may be time to change wardrobes. Stay focused on your workout and not on checking her out. I know it’s nice to observe her beauty, but most men are visually focused when it comes to the desire and excitement phases of sexual response, and checking her out is a recipe for erection.

Now here comes the tough part. While fantasy is incredible, we can’t live in our heads and hearts. Sooner or later, we have to take the leap and try to make that fantasy a reality. Sometimes we strike out, other times we surprise ourselves with a date or new friend. I encourage you to muster the strength to ask her out.

The buildup and anxiety can be debilitating, and rejection is often only as bad as we make it. We get rejected all the time in life and our response to it can make it manageable or make it the most horrible thing to experience. Be courageous, be bold and find the confidence inside you to see if she’s interested.

Start the process of getting information about her, especially if she’s single or dating someone. That’s crucial info and should decide whether or not you ask her out. There are hundreds of ways to learn her relationship status (besides on her Facebook profile). If you’re feeling daring, forget fishing for information and simply ask her. There’s nothing more flattering or comlimentary to a women than a nice guy who shows respectful and sincere interest. “Thank you for all your help training me. You’ve made a huge difference. I think you’re (insert genuine compliment and don’t say "hot" or  "bonerlicious"), and I’d love to take you out sometime.” Ask for her number and let the dating gods take over. If she says no, you’re in the same position you started. If she says yes, maybe your fantasies can become realized.

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