Paying For Sex Is Paying For It Always Wrong?

Paying For Sex

Is Paying For It Always Wrong?

Is Paying For Sex Wrong?

Dear Doc Chaves,

Is there anything wrong with being with a prostitute? What risks are there if I see one?

- Anonymous

 

I’m flushing the concept of right/wrong down the toilet again and just talking to you. And let’s use the term "sex worker" — it has a less judgmental ring to it. This answer for you depends on many factors: personal attitudes, social judgments, religious/spiritual views, your culture, what time period we’re talking about and a host of other variables that will surely be commented on below in the comment section. In many cultures throughout history, money or other forms of currency have been exchanged for services that include sexual activity, sometimes as a form of spiritual worship or prayer.

Historically, some religious institutions profited from sex. Sex work is legal in a few areas in the U.S. have and many parts of the world. Change area codes or hop on a plane and the socially constructed views are altered. In short, it really comes down to what you think and what’s right for you. That being said, I’m not encouraging you to break the law.

 

What are the risks? Truthfully, besides the risk of being arrested and charged where it’s not legal, the risks are quite similar those you would take on with a non-sex-work partner. Any partner can break your heart, take your money, pass along an STI, leave you, have a jealous ex, and so on. It’s not fair to attribute these risks to sex workers if they are risks we take in every partnered relationship.     

 

George Carlin said it best: "I do not understand why prostitution is illegal. Why should prostitution be illegal? Selling is legal; f**king is legal. Why isn’t selling f**king legal? Why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away? I can’t follow the logic on that at all.” It’s kind of a brilliant statement.

 

And for those of you who can smell a hint of sex work support, you’ve unmasked me. There will be some who bring up sex slavery, child sex trafficking, people in dire need of money and other dark sides to sexual activity, but that’s not true sex work. That’s abuse and coercion, and very different from what I'm talking about. True sex work involves freedom and choice. True sex work is a business decision made by consenting adults. Oh, and tip your sex worker! You give tips to people who serve you a drink or drop off some food, so how about those who provide a more intimate and memorable service? 

Are There People Who Get Turned On By Blood?

Is there really such a thing as people who get off on blood? Sounds gross to me. True?

- Kevin

 

People get off on anything that can be imagined. I mean anything. For example, a bouquet of flowers. Most would find this a pleasant gift. However, a person with antholagnia (erotic arousal from smelling flowers) would probably get off on those flowers. Blood, although on a different end of the comfort spectrum from sweet-smelling flowers, can also be eroticized.

Blood play, or hematolagnia to the lovers of paraphilic terminology, is an extreme sexual desire that produces excitement, arousal, even orgasm for some. There is no definite reason as to why people enjoy this, but we do know that it exists and that it is real.

 

More recently, the social fascination with vampirism (yes, I’m bringing you into this, Twilight movies) has helped the popularity of blood play surge, especially among the younger demographics. What arouses each person is different and often associated with very specific acts or scenes. Some enjoy the sight of the blood, others the touch or smell, and the activity using the blood can also be connected to how arousing the play is for someone. It’s not common for people to ingest fluids, but it happens and some do enjoy this behavior. Most involved in the blood play scene are well versed in the dangers of fluid transmission and utilize safety precautions such as STI testing, sterilized play items, gloves, aprons and protective barrier gear. Some will include fake blood in their play to encourage safety and still get the rush they seek.

Having seen a number of blood play scenes in my day, I can tell you that while it’s not my cup of tea, it gets a lot of people excited and energized because of its taboo nature and extremity. While some reading this may be judgmental, don’t forget that if consensual adults are participating in a non-illegal act in their own private lives and it’s not harming anyone, there’s nothing wrong about it — it's just different and unique.

Doc Chaves answers more of your questions, next...

What Do You Do When Parenting Interferes With Sex?

Hi Doc Chaves,

My sex life is down the tubes. My wife and I have two kids and a newborn, all under the age of 4. The infant sleeps with us in our bed, the 3-year-old in a crib in our bedroom, and the 4-year-old has her own room. I can’t even remember the last time we had sex or even had time to ourselves to be intimate and we never seem to touch or be close anymore. I just need a break. What to do?

- Brad

It sounds like you’re personally starting up day care center at your house. Three pregnancies in under five years at least tells me you’ve had some sex. It’s quite common for the post-pregnancy parenting tasks to interfere with keeping the sexual flame lit and burning. What most people struggle with is creating a routine and taking those first steps toward balancing their roles as sexual partners with their roles as parents.

First, consider the environment you’ve created. It’s like Sesame Street in your room and the kids almost outnumber the adults. Adults need their play space, too. Although I don’t know many details about things such as the children’s health, your living space, etc., it’s important to create and preserve your adult environment, which may eventually include having the 3- and 4-year-olds become roommates.

I’ve heard all the excuses: the kids fuss and cry when transitioning, they want to sleep with/near mommy and daddy, they’re not ready, and so on. Part of parenting is preparing them for the many changes and transitions life will offer and even nudging them forward appropriately when they're resistant. Most kids crave structure. It’s up to you to create that for them and they’ll usually adapt if it’s a gentle, smooth transaction. Most parenting books dealing with separation anxiety describe techniques and exercises on how to do this in a supportive manner.

Now we're down to one baby left in the adult room, and this baby will also need to find new permanent roommates. Eventually, you will need to a create a separate space to allow the parents their partner room. I have two words for you: bunk beds.

Notice I called your bedroom the “partner room.” You need to create that space together and make it blossom. Sometimes it’s a safe space for a break, nap, some recharge time, and other times it’s your intimate space for making love and recapturing connection.

There are going to be other aspects to consider with sex after pregnancy. Does she feel sexy if there were any changes to her body in addition to any postpartum libido/hormonal changes? Also, your involvement in child rearing, household chores and partner support are very important; take a look at yourself and what you’re doing to see if there are ways to enhance your daddy and partner roles.

Lastly, it’s always a good idea to communicate your needs, listen and encourage her to voice her needs, and have an open dialogue about what can enhance your lives as parents and partners. A good topic of conversation to consider is how you are modeling affection and partner relationships to your children. Many adults who struggle with intimacy, affection and attachment learned this through observing their parents. Set a good example of parent/child boundaries and model loving and affectionate partner intimacy. The kids will benefit from that more than you know.

Super Cool Man, Super Sexy Man, Muscle Model, Handsome, Hot Man, Kaslı Erkekler, Yakışıklı Erkekler, Muscle Gay, Bearded, Muscle Gay, bayramcigerli.blogspot.com, Sex, Sex Tips, Tips, Paying For Sex,

askmen.com