Top 10 Simple Ways to Become a Better Lover

Top 10 Simple Ways to Become a Better Lover

Easy, Practical Tips to Improve Your Bedroom Game

It’s no secret that lots of guys want to be better in bed. 

And if you feel like you’re underwhelming your partner (or partners), it’s understandable that you’d be wondering how to improve, exactly. Just like everything else in life, how are you

 going to get better if you don’t study up? Even with sex, there’s always room for improvement.

While there’s no one size fits all formula for instantly becoming a sex god, there are a number of things that almost every guy could benefit from learning. 

Lucky for you, this list isn’t 10 expert ways on how to become a better lover that only the suavest of gentlemen can embrace — it’s 10 easy ways to become a better lover almost anyone, no matter how good or bad in bed, could use to improve their skills. 

Ready? Let’s do this.

10 Easy Ways to Become a Better Lover

1. Alter Your Relationship to Porn 

In order to make progress in a given subject, it’s important to unlearn any bad advice you’ve already picked up. As great as porn can be, it can also give people drastically wrong ideas about what sex can and should be like. 

Used as a form of sexual entertainment, it can be an immense amount of fun for you and/or your partner, but using it as a form of sex education can lead to unpleasant consequences. 

Too often, guys use porn as a sort of guidebook for what kind of sex they should have without consulting their partners. Porn is many things, but a blueprint for good sex isn’t one of them. 

If your takeaway from porn is that it’s OK to engage in risky or kinky behavior without asking first, that condoms are unnecessary and that sex should end with you cumming on your partner’s face, you need to rethink porn’s role in your life.  

2. Familiarize Yourself With Safer Sex

Fun sex isn’t fun sex if it leads to infection transmission — it’s just bad sex with the bad part delayed. Better sex is safer sex.

Part of being great in bed is knowing the basics when it comes to preventing STI transmission and unexpected pregnancy. It’s something that lots of guys know frighteningly little about, or worse, the knowledge they do have is actually incorrect. 

Safer sex practices are one of the foundations of good sex. They might not sound exciting, but you first want to know your meal won’t leave you retching before you start considering just how tasty it is, right? 

3. Learn About Consent Practices

Most STIs can be cured, and it’s possible to reverse a pregnancy with a morning-after pill or abortion, but if you unknowingly violate someone because you don’t understand the basics of consent — just because they’re not saying no doesn’t mean they are saying yes — the trauma of that can be much harder to undo. 

Consent isn’t complicated, but it’s something that many guys don’t get taught growing up, and it’s unbelievably important. If you want to be a great sex partner, go to the trouble of informing yourself about consent, even if you think you already have it down pat. 

4. Become Familiar With Sex Toys

For lots of guys, it can be daunting to imagine competing against the pleasure-giving potential of a battery-powered sex toy that doesn’t get tired, is always 100% hard, and won’t finish prematurely. 

But incorporating sex toys into the actual sex you have can be a lot of fun for both partners if you’re willing to push past the initial awkwardness of using a tool you’ve never used before. 

Ask your partner to explore with you — if you’re dating a woman, there’s a decent chance she already owns at least one toy. Regardless, you can order any number of awesome toys suited for different purposes online from the suggested link above. 

5. Make a Yes/No/Maybe List

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s useful to understand your own desires and your own limits and boundaries. A great way to do that is by completing a yes/no/maybe list. The concept is simple — go through a list of different sex acts and indicate yes, no, or maybe as to whether you’re interested in doing them. 

If you’re in a relationship, this gives you the opportunity to each complete the list separately and then compare notes with your partner, seeing easily where you agree on things and where you’re less closely aligned. 

It can be a little awkward to admit to the kinky stuff you’re into, but if you commit to filling it out honestly and have a real discussion about it afterward, you’ll be gifted with an opportunity to truly understand each other’s erotic selves.

And if you’re single, it’s still a good opportunity to get a better understanding of what you like, what you want, and what you don’t. That kind of thing can be invaluable in a hookup context when you’re being asked to try something you’ve never done before. 

6. Ask More Questions

It might seem deeply unsexy to admit that you don’t know exactly what your partner wants or how to do it, but asking a question is only unsexy for a moment — carrying on in ignorance is sexy indefinitely, since you’re unlikely to ever become a better lover that way. 

It doesn’t have to be in the moment itself. At some point before or after sex, asking your partner what they want more or, what they want less of, what they want to try, what they fantasize about, or what you could do better or differently will go a very, very long way. 

7. Get Some Lube

If you’re having anal sex, you might already own lube and use it frequently. Still, it’s certainly not a bad idea to offer a reminder: Lubrication is important for good sex, and human bodies don’t always produce enough of it to make sex pleasurable for all parties involved. 

Having some lube close at hand is a must if you’re having penetrative sex — whether water-based (dries out sooner but is toy-safe) or silicone-based (lasts longer but will damage many sex toys) or, ideally, some of each, depending on context. 

You may feel great about getting your partner wet enough not to need any, but it only takes one instance of things being a little drier than usual for it to get painful. Lube like a spare tire — you might not need it every time, but you’ll be damn glad you had it when you do. 

8. Learn How to Talk (and Text) Dirty

It’s said that the brain is the biggest sex organ, and once you start exploring using your words in a sexy way, you’ll understand why. 

As sexual as touch can be, hearing your partner say just the right words can really push you over the edge. Getting comfortable doing just that can take your sex up a notch in no time. 

Sure, it might be unfamiliar at first, but again, if you can handle a handful of misfires in the early going, you’re going to end up getting really good at it over time. If you know enough about what your partner likes, you might not even ruin the mood at all. 

9. Stop Focusing on Just Penetration

This may come as a surprise, but there’s more to sex than penetration. Regardless of the genders of the people involved, sex can be so much more than just a penis moving in and out of an orifice. Once you realize this, you’re primed to start having better sex. 

Recognizing the importance of things that often get called “foreplay” — French kissing, handjobs and fingering, oral sex, sensual massage, dirty talk or roleplay — won’t just make your sex sessions last longer, it’ll also help them feel more intense and varied in a hurry.

That means embracing the non-penetrative aspects of sex isn’t just a great idea for guys struggling with premature ejaculation concerns, but also for anyone feeling like their sex life might be stuck in a rut. 

10. Start Having Fun

Good sex is about pleasure, but it’s possible for that to get lost in the shuffle. It may sound counterintuitive, but some guys get so focused on being “good” at sex that they forget to enjoy themselves — and that can mean that it’s hard for their partners to have fun, too.

If you’re so focused on making your partner cum that you make them feel tense or stressed out, that’s not a recipe for good sex! Instead of the end goal being an orgasm, the end goal should be everyone enjoying the experience. 

The more you’re able to relax, live in the moment and explore your pleasure and your partner’s — without having rigid expectations and goals to meet — the more likely it is that everyone will come out of the sexual experience having gotten what they want. 

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