Too Much Sex, Spaghetti Syndrome And More

Too Much Sex, Spaghetti Syndrome And More

Having Too Much Sex, Losing Your Erection, & More

tiger’s “addiction”

Do you think Tiger Woods is a sex addict?

- LCH, Hollywood, CA

“Tiger Woods is a sex addict.” I’ve been hearing this over and over from articles and experts who’ve never even met him.

 Personally, I don’t believe in labeling or diagnosing someone I’ve never worked with. If around half of people in relationships and marriages cheat on their partners, does this mean the world is filled with sex addicts? It’s a label the media and experts are quick to jump on because it sells. What if you had a billion dollars, fame, power, and were the greatest athlete in the world at your sport? What if at every corner there were porn stars, models and the most attractive people in the world begging to sleep with you (basically my reoccurring dream since puberty)? You guessed it; staying faithful would be hard for a lot of people, both men and women. I can’t say that Tiger is a sex addict, but I can say he made choices that severely hurt his relationship and he’s definitely paying the price for it.  

spaghetti syndrome Hello Dr.Chaves!

My name is A., and lately when I’m having sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, my penis will randomly go soft and I won't be able to finish. This has been happening for the last three times we've had sex. Would you be able to tell me what’s going on?

Thanks!

- A., Dallas, TX

Ah, the dreaded spaghetti noodle syndrome. It happens to us all. If I had a nickel for every time I…well, never mind. It sounds like this issue is more upstairs than downstairs, meaning your mind is likely behind it. What’s going on in your life that has you preoccupied or is affecting your focus in bed? It could be anything from sex performance anxiety, past relationship issues, work or financial stress, or even using rubbers. Don’t let the outside stressors creep into the bedroom — find ways to alleviate stress. Sometimes a warming lube, a cock ring or increasing the erotic charge (dirty talk, new positions, different environments — the kitchen’s not just for cooking) can get you over the hump. It’s possible there are medical reasons, but that’s less likely. Getting checked by an MD can be helpful (circulation, hormonal issues), and sometimes if you’re taking medication it can mess with your erection. Even something as simple as getting more sleep, maintaining a healthier diet, increasing exercise, or cutting substance intake (alcohol, drugs) can help our erections.        

speedy arousal

Hi, Dr. Hernando Chaves, from Nigeria. I've been following your Q&A section on the AskMen.com website. I have a sexual problem and I will be brief. I get too aroused very easily; sometimes just seeing a naked girl will get me erect within a millisecond. Is that normal? Also, I “come" very soon — one minute — which is breaking my relationship with my fiancée. What is the way out of this? I need urgent help please. Thank you.

- H., Nigeria

It’s completely normal for people to have different times for arousal/erection, so embrace your virility and erectile ability. In 30 years you’ll be the envy of all the guys fighting to have erections! Evolutionary psychology suggests the male who is able to spread his seed quickest and most often would have the best chance at reproduction, but how does that impact a relationship or pleasure? Sounds like rapid ejaculation is involved here and all guys can train themselves to last longer. Here are some standard techniques to train your body: Doing Kegel exercises for stronger PC muscles, long masturbation sessions (no quickies — we practice how we play) and peaking exercises during masturbation (masturbate to the point of no return/close to ejaculation, then stop stimulation, clench your PC muscles as if you were doing a Kegel exercise until ejaculation passes, continue masturbating, and repeat). Doing this for a few months will increase your ejaculatory control, give you more confidence to last and fight off performance anxiety. Some other short-term helpers include desensitizing creams, using condoms, masturbating to the point of ejaculation before sex, using cock rings, and sex in positions that might be less sensitive and stimulating for you (like female on top).

Doctor Chaves answers more of your questions after the jump...

uncomfortably numb    Dear Dr. Chaves,

I am a 50-year-old man. I am experiencing a numbness (for lack of a better description) in my testicles and scrotum area during sexual arousal. When my wife caresses me there during sex I no longer have that "tantalizing" feeling I used to have. For example: I used to love to masturbate in the shower using my adjustable spray shower head. When I do that now I don't feel anything. That "tantalizing" feeling is no longer! The bigger problem stemming from this is that I frequently lose my concentration along with my erection.

What can it be? Is it something I should be worried about? What is the remedy? Help!

Sincerely,- JWM, Boston MA

There are times when numbness is understandable: you just had a six-hour marathon sex session, ejaculated eight times, and your tubesteak is extra sore or numb. Yes! That scenario came straight from the male fantasy bank, but in reality, genital numbness is something we should pay special attention to. Any time we notice changes in our bodies, that’s nature’s way of saying there might be something wrong, and you better go get checked out. A big mistake guys make is that we wait too long to see a doctor. Are you having problems with urinary or bowel functioning? There’s a lot of possibilities as to why: a displacement of a vertebra (spondylolisthesis), a back injury putting pressure on your spinal cord, even cycling, as one study found 60% of male cyclists had experienced genital numbness. There’s yet another reason I drive a car. Remember, we’re talking sensation here, which is related to nerve endings and nerves we associate with the brain and spinal cord. I wouldn’t worry just yet, but I’d make an appointment with your doctor.

too much of a good thing?  Dear Dr. Chaves,

When we were living together, my boyfriend and I would have sex quite often — around 2-3 times a day. Because of work commitments, we have been apart for about a month now. As a result, we have switched to phone and text sex around 3-4 times a week. Additionally, I know that we both enjoy "alone time" most days. We just can't seem to get enough of each other.

After speaking to my friends, I find that their sex life is very different. My best friend has sex with her boyfriend about twice a week, and some other friends have sex even less.

My question is, what is normal for a couple? Is there such a thing as too much sex?

- C., Perth WA

The only constant with human sexuality is diversity. Every sexual relationship is different and every couple will have different amounts of sex. Your BFF has a sexual relationship that’s closer to the average times of intercourse per week for couples and you’re above the curve. The neighbors might have sex three times a year and the people down the street might have sex five times a day. So whether one couple has sex on Valentine’s Day and their birthdays while the other couple has sex 1,825 times per year, both couples could be happy and healthy. I wouldn’t worry so much about the numbers or what too much sex is. The people who judge what’s too much sex are often the people not getting enough themselves. The important questions to ask is this: Are you happy with your sex life (frequency, behaviors, foreplay, romance, kink) and is sex negatively affecting your life (work, relationships, health, finances, or causing non-consensual physical harm or legal difficulties)? As long as your sex life is fulfilling and not filled with harmful consequences, enjoy all the sex you want!    

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